Between the Cracks: A blog by Albert Clayton Gaulden

There is more physical abuse going on in relationships between men and women than any of us can imagine. In February of this year singer and Barbados-born beauty Rihanna was allegedly beaten up by her singer boyfriend Chris Brown in Hollywood, California over a dispute about Brown having received a text message from a former girlfriend. From hospital photos Rihanna looked like she had been in a boxing match. Yet now months later, they are apparently back together again, even though he has not gone to court on these charges. Boy beats girl. Sound familiar? It seems like a potential O.J. Simpson, Nicole Brown scenario all over again.

People ask me constantly why a big strapping man would ever get so mad as to physically abuse a woman, much less kill her. The answer is to be found in the shadow within each of them. To shed some light on this kind of domestic violence, the late respected Swiss psychotherapist Carl Jung would reference the shadow within each of these people-the nature, or spirit, of the woman within the man and the masculine side of the woman, to make sense of this kind of behavior. When one has not acknowledged and integrated the dark side, or shadow, in himself, it can take over the man and cause him to harm a woman who just moments before he apparently loved and adored. The woman often creates the stage for a man’s violent outrage when she begins to act like her shadow; lets it have free-range in a discussion or argument. Then it becomes oftentimes deadly when the dark side of each goes to war-they both have apparently become “possessed” or under the power of their shadow. Women in such a state can also be the perpetrators of such deadly combat.

We live in a culture where there is little mention of how and why the shadow can imposter as who the person is. The shadow wants to be an integrated part of who we are, and when denied its rightful place in our personality, it will act out and make us do things we would not do if we knew how to deal with this dark side of ourselves.

How can one effectively make positive use of the shadow? The strongest alliance between oneself and his or her shadow is to talk to it like you would a real person. Honor the shadow. Engage its help in helping you resolve conflicts with others. The shadow must become an effective and meaningful part of oneself or it can be a dangerous enemy.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is the founding director of the Sedona Intensive and author of You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. For more information about Albert and Sedona Intensive visit http://www.sedonaintensive.com/.

Purchase You’re Not Who You Think You Are at http://www.yourenotwhoyouthinkyouare.com/

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There is a popular television show, Gossip Girl, which follows the ups and downs of a group of anything-but true and loyal friends. They backstab and spread the most malicious rumors that censorship will allow. But on this show, it is “anything goes.” The Internet and tabloid magazines thrive on dishing titillating dirt on celebrities-the nastier and meaner the better. But what are the consequences of this kind of trailer trash behavior?

Lashon hara,” evil tongue” is the prohibition in Jewish Law of gossiping. Speech is considered to be lashon hara if it says something negative about a person or party, is not previously known to the public, is not seriously intended to correct or improve a negative situation, and most importantly, is true. Statements that fit this description are considered to be lashon hara, regardless of the method of communication that is used, whether it is through face-to-face conversation, a written letter, telephone, or email.

Statements of lashon hara, by definition, are true. In contrast, Motzi Shem Ra (”spreading a bad name”) consists of untrue remarks, and is akin to slander or defamation. According to the majority of Torah scholars, lashon hara is considered to be a most serious sin. Therefore, they proclaim, how much more serious is such a statement that is false?

There is a popular Jewish legend about a man who went to his rabbi and said that he had said untrue things, hurtful insinuations against the rabbi and wanted the rabbi to forgive him.

The rabbi said, “Take a down pillow to the highest hill in Jerusalem, slit the pillow and release the feathers all over the valley below.” The man left the rabbi to go and do as the rabbi instructed him. He returned and asked the rabbi, “Now will you forgive me?” The rabbi looked at the man and said, “Go and retrieve the feathers.”

Are there feathers that you need to retrieve? The way to avoid what Jewish Law considers a mortal sin is not to say anything harmful to another person. God considers this a sin against him, as we are all his Creations.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is the founding director of the Sedona Intensive and author of You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. For more information about Albert and Sedona Intensive visit http://www.sedonaintensive.com/.

Purchase You’re Not Who You Think You Are at http://www.yourenotwhoyouthinkyouare.com/

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As the shift in Consciousness picks up steam, there are a lot of people who are trying to get their tickets to the new way to think and live punched without spanning the gap between authentic self and the imposter. I was speaking with a woman over the weekend that has been on more spiritual treks than a host of Buddha-seeking Sherpa who disdains the concept of the Ego. She says that she can simply move away from the power that a lot of us (me included) give to the concept of our dark side and who preach that we must deflate the ego at depth. She, on the other hand, would have us believe that the Ego is a phantom of the mind and not anything one must be concerned with.

With all due respect to this woman who has the busiest mind I have ever worked with, flitting hither and yon to every ashram and ism approved by O and the Best Seller List, the Ego is that part of us that we cannot integrate except by making a friend of it-embracing it and welcoming it as a vital part of who we are, albeit, through its own massive change from “devil” to “angel”. Yes, we must aid and abet it to make its own shift from its impishness, capable of misinforming us by saying that the “big fix” is to be found in a relationship with someone else, a relationship outside ourselves. That is simply poppycock. What is the mother war of all wars is the notion that we will be supremely happy with someone outside us before we make a true lover and friend of our shadow, which some of us refer to as a euphemism for the Ego.

I don’t know about you but true confession and redemption always seems to be a key element in transformation-from taking those giant steps from who we think we are to who God created us to be. We need to look at how the Ego has tried to convince us that everything in our lives would be “hunky-dory” if we had the right handsome rich man or sexy and beautiful woman in our lives.

Why would divorce be so astronomically high, even among the more enlightened among us, if the Ego and its misinformed nature did not have to shift with us? And to those of you considering returning to God with your soul mate in hand, you might want to ask yourself these questions:  Have you adequately dealt with the terrifying images from your past-mommy and daddy and their distortions of how to be at peace with yourself and your shadow?  Is your shadow self as dynamic with you as anyone outside yourself could ever be? Have you cancelled your subscription to Glamour and Cosmopolitan-progenitors of all that lets you know how not to have a deep and meaningful relationship with another man or woman.

What is so empowering about facing down the Ego and loving it into dying and being reborn precious child of God is that you don’t need someone else’s hocus pocus or spiritual flavor of the month to endorse what you are doing. Taking Clorox to your false self and then sprinkling a drop of Chanel No. 5 or Aqua di Parma to the mix works every time.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is the founding director of the Sedona Intensive and author of You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. For more information about Albert and Sedona Intensive visit http://www.sedonaintensive.com/.

Purchase You’re Not Who You Think You Are at http://www.yourenotwhoyouthinkyouare.com/

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When I was growing up we listened to the radio and some few of our neighbors, richer than the rest of us, got a television. Mainly we listened to music on the radio and as television took off we heard an half-hour of news brought to us by Edward R. Morrow or Walter Cronkite and Ipana Toothpaste or Texaco. We watched Milton Berle, Ed Sullivan and What’s My Line? That was it. And we went merrily on our way sitting down to supper at 5:30, doing our homework, and letting the rest of the world go by. And then we blinked and now we have supersonic television, Internet, Titter, Twitter, Facebook, My Space, porno sites and blogs like this one—TMI: TOO MUCH INFORMATION. (The most annoying part of all this 21^st century technological breakthrough breakdown also gives those shysters in Africa access to our email addresses just waiting to give us $10 million dollars that some lady who died of cancer we never heard of wants us to have…if we will send $3,500.00 to handle the paperwork. Where is the F.B.I. when we need them?)

I believe that why we have so little room for prayer and meditation is because there is too much static on the line (in our mind).  Technology and science have given us so much clutter and so much information overload that the darker regions of our culture (ego and the pleasure chest: drink and drug and other Dr. Feelgood diversions) have begun to crowd out that peaceful place within ourselves where the soul lives-that part of our consciousness where the Divine speaks through Intuition-and where we can find the stillness and reverence to hear Him or Her when they speak.

One of my own suggestions I have taken is not to watch television. I must confess that Sunday night I couldn’t stop watching another one of those Bernard Madoff “how he did it” documentaries. It seems that the Feds are now going to go after those who profited from the Ponzi scheme nature of Madoff’s crimes. I read. I write. And, yes, I see which of my favorites is winning in tennis-and that’s it.

I also pray and meditate daily-sometimes hourly-because I want to know what God is saying to me as opposed to what the scurrilous pundits on radio and television are trying to get me to pander to at any given moment. God has a plan to keep me on course and out of trouble and the media is determined to frazzle me so badly I will use the pharmaceuticals that sponsor their shows.

Keeping a journal will really let you know who did what to whom and where you follow the fly you could never catch beyond left field. When my puppy is too much puppy and the clients are too needy, I am driven inside to put my thoughts on paper. You might do the same thing if you have found yourself in media, broadcast and print, overlaid.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is the founding director of the Sedona Intensive and author of You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. For more information about Albert and Sedona Intensive visit http://www.sedonaintensive.com/.

Purchase You’re Not Who You Think You Are at http://www.yourenotwhoyouthinkyouare.com/

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It is 1:40 in the morning. I cannot sleep. If my dog is not rattling his crate to sleep outside in his bed, my furtive mind and possible sleep apnea keep me from Mr. Sandman and tranquility. My whole life is about helping other people face their sources of anxiety and discontent, but this pre-dawn I find myself in such a state. A pall of extreme tiredness envelopes me. It is as if I have been invaded by an inability to let go-to decompress-and surrender to rest and relaxation.

I never realized the responsibility of caring for an animal. Mr. Darby is adorable but he is also willful and he does not seem to eat and potty on a set schedule. He never eats in the morning and because he does not eliminate in the afternoon or early evening, I crate him so he does not have accidents in my house. When he refuses to go to the bathroom outside I become obsessed with not allowing him to sleep in his bed because he has not pottied outside on the leash on a walk.

I do what I suggest clients do when ‘they’re worried and they can’t sleep,’ I count my blessings instead of sheep. With gratitude on my mind, I go to the computer and write down all the reasons I am in this predicament at this early hour-and I stop to pray and meditate so I can make an entreaty and then get quiet to hear what the Divine has to say to me. And I get my answer: go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Bingo! I recall that I lay down to sleep at seven in the evening and awoke at one, which is a goofy time to go to sleep even for a man my age.

I put the dog in bed with me and he falls asleep in minutes-ah, the life of a dog. Can I come back next life as a canine with an owner as attendant as I? We snuggle and he breathes even breaths and I catnap but never get that level of relaxed sleep. But I do hear the voice of intuition whisper, “Tonight, go to bed between 9:30 and 10:00 and tomorrow you and the dog will be perfect Daddy and Mr. Darby, the dog. Thank God I learned early on to listen for intuition when it speaks.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is the founding director of the Sedona Intensive and author of You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. For more information about Albert and Sedona Intensive visit http://www.sedonaintensive.com/.

Purchase You’re Not Who You Think You Are at http://www.yourenotwhoyouthinkyouare.com/

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Most of us are capable of confusing what is actually true about a person or a particular circumstance versus the nutty professor ideas that run free-range through our heads. As an astrologist I usually check the mundane chart to see why these notions may be trying to find a feeding ground within my usually more reasonable mental processor. Transits, the movement of the planets-from the Sun through Pluto-are triggers to make us face what is really going on beneath our behavior.

For instance, it has been raining torrentially for several days here in high desert Sedona, which is unusual for this time of year, which meant that I would be unable to walk my dog on schedule and let him play in the backyard, which is torn up waiting for sod. The backyard looks like a demolition site as I am having it landscaped because Mr. Darby, my seven-month old fox terrier, loves grass.

My mind began a free-floating, nonsensical exercise to skewer my more-often rational ability to separate frustration from cold hard facts. Here is how the thoughts came and went: “If this rain doesn’t stop I am going to send this dog back where I got him.” “If this dog goes potty on my white carpet again, he’s out of here.” “This rain is never going to stop so I better have the hole in the yard filled in and get rid of the dog.” So what did I do to calm my mind and accept the rain and keep the dog? I prayed and meditated to still my mind and to find a peaceful oasis to quell the madness. I wrote in my journal and then I put Mr. Darby in his crate and I read until I got sleepy and shut my eyes and went to Neverland-stopping the noise in my head for a night.

When I woke up the rain had stopped, I took the dog to my front yard to do his “business” and then came in and rinsed off the muddy front yard from his paws. I failed to dry his paws between the pads and he began that frenetic run around the house-as if there were a dog run in my living room-and imprinted dirt tracks as he ran. Rather than go off on mental and miserable spin out of control mania, I cleaned the dirt and loved my dog and prepared for my day.

The best way to distinguish between how the mind is trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill, to get you to do something stupid which you would regret for a lifetime, is to get quiet and listen for guidance from the still small voice of intuition. And then write your way out of dangerous illogical feelings onto the firm ground of facts. And I will bet my last hard-earned buck that you’ll uncover something or someone who did something eons ago that has triggered a mental short-cut to possible disaster-the here and now is being influenced unduly and illogically by there and then.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is the founding director of the Sedona Intensive and author of You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. For more information about Albert and Sedona Intensive visit http://www.sedonaintensive.com/.

Purchase You’re Not Who You Think You Are at http://www.yourenotwhoyouthinkyouare.com/

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