Between the Cracks: A blog by Albert Clayton Gaulden

NARCISSISTIC AND DISSOCIATIVE

albert — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:05:54 +0000

Best-selling author of Harmonic Wealth James Arthur Ray was arrested and arraigned in Prescott, Arizona on manslaughter charges stemming from three fatal deaths in a sweat lodge ceremony he facilitated just outside Sedona, Arizona October 8. 2009. Bail was set at $5 million and, according to his attorney, he was unable to post bond.

It is odd and disturbing how Ray acted at the time of the tragedy. He fled the state immediately according to his attorney, Brad Brian, because the police told him that there was an ongoing investigation and Ray felt it was best, under the circumstances, that he return home to California. Subsequently one of his key ex-staff members, Malinda Martin told CNN’s Gary Tuchman that when she was giving CPR to one of the attendees who was unconscious, James Ray told her to stop. He was convinced, according to this woman, that each person had to go through this “death-like” process in order to heal what was obstructing them.

There have been so many eye-witness accounts of James Arthur Ray’s behavior during and after the deaths of three people. Born on November 22, this Scorpio, true to nature, may be trying to mask the torture he must be feeling to have facilitated a five-day workshop that ended in tragedy. In the revealing and educative books, Snapping: America’s Epidemic of Sudden Personality Change by Flo Conway and Jim Siegelman and People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by Dr. M. Scott Peck, narcissism is the equivalent of falling in love with oneself (word derivation comes from Narcissus: a beautiful youth in Greek mythology who falls in love with his own reflection). It becomes the Achilles heel of a lot of men and women whose reach exceeds their grasp, as Browning wrote–they go from being role models to shape-shifting into the most reprehensible dark and dangerous egocentric. Narcissism glued to dissociative disintegration of the self results in someone who is robotic and not self-realized at all. It is akin to the old Flip Wilson line as Geraldine, “The devil made me do it.”

Make sure the next time you sign up for a workshop that has risk factors, ask if there are those on site who can assist attendees if there are health issues. The pity is that a lot of people in need of basic mental health care opt for some of these extreme measure workshops to their own detriment.

I am Albert Gaulden and I approve of this message.

PAY WHAT YOU OWE

albert — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:34:02 +0000

A couple of years ago my business partner told me that it was time to pay off revolving credit cards. I did. A year or so before that I wanted to go to a top-ranked wellness center to lose weight and I asked him if the company would pay for it and he said, “No. You ate it. You lose it. You pay for it.” And I did. Recently I have been seeing televisions ads that scream, “I owed $45,000 on my credit card and they settled for $11,000.” Then there is the name and telephone number where some Debt Resolution Company of record can do the same for you. Five minutes later an ad on the boob tube shouts, “I owed the IRS $155,000 and I only paid $21,000.” There is a phone number to call to end your Internal Revenue problems.

Whatever happened to personal responsibility? I am wont to say that all the free-loading started in 1959 with the birth of credit cards: BUY NOW. PAY LATER. This 50-year old baby is as responsible for personal financial malfeasance as anything else.

With all these “get out of jail” passes being pandered to the public, it is time for someone to call a spade a spade: most people are hanging by their fingernails financially because of the need to have what we can’t afford. As a kid when we asked our mother if we could have a bicycle, she would say, “Yes. Buy it with your own money. Cut lawns to get the money.” We were living under the Eisenhower Era, right after the end of World War II.

A great comic from 50’s and 60’s television, Red Skelton used to act in skits featuring a rogue character named Freddie the Freeloader. Freddie was always mooching off friends and conning unsuspecting strangers. I was reminded of Skelton and his Freddie the Freeloader creation when I saw these ads to let people off the hook for their indebtedness.

To quote my business partner, “You charged it. Pay what you owe.” The same goes for taxes.

I am Albert Clayton Gaulden and I approve of this message.

AGREE TO DISAGREE

albert — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 17:01:54 +0000

In my life the biggest chasms with friends seem to be about motion pictures. One person will swear that such and so is the greatest film in the history of celluloid while someone else disagrees and picks another movie as her favorite. Round and round we go and sometimes the expression of opinions can get heated. It often reminds me of Church and State and the loud and ‘no room for a difference of opinion’ atmosphere that exists with both these institutions.

Last week, as a way to solicit donations I suppose, the American Civil Liberties Union sent me a small bound copy of the Constitution of the United States of America. As I pored over the bedrock of our Republic I read Amendment 1: Freedom of religion, speech, and the press, rights of assembly and petition.

Referencing spats over one movie being better than another, or not, might seem frivolous when understanding the intent of Amendment 1 but it does remind me that we are all entitled to disagree with one another. So the next time one of your over-zealous church friends argues for his dogma or an adversary who votes differently than you sits on his soapbox, remind him or her that it is healthy and a guaranteed right of all of us to disagree.

I am Albert Clayton Gaulden and I approve of this message.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is the founding director of the Sedona Intensive and author of You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. For more information about Albert and Sedona Intensive visit http://www.sedonaintensive.com/.

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Perception or Reality?

albert — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 19:09:54 +0000

The media seems to have been taken over by pundits and trend setters. Rather than get news that can help us make better choices we get instead glitz and spin. I was on A BETTER TODAY Blog Radio Show with host Steve Maraboli (very savvy with cutting edge consciousness) and we discussed the difference between perception and what’s real. I went a step further and distinguished between the outer life with make-up and disguises and the inner world where the naked truth lives.

My position has always been that we live in a parallel universe: there is what I refer to as 1) the “perfect place” from whence we come, get our telepathic intuition and to which we will return at death and 2) the maya or illusionary world (which Joseph Campbell and I refer to as reform school) which has the infection and rampant misinformation sired and promulgated by one’s Ego. Mr. Maraboli asked me how one got from illusion to truth–from outside mystique to the inner life of freedom–and I told him, “Through pain and going to any lengths to wake up from the trance state that the transitory world offers.” I have worked with a lot of people and I never heard one man or woman say that he or she got out of bed one day and decided to quit alcoholic drinking or that they thought it would better serve them not to have never-ending partners, one after the other. Like me, the pain and destruction of the bad boy or girl behavior got us to put the plug in the jug with the fellowship of those whose lives changed with steps. Like Buddha, the challenge in the New Year is to “Wake up” and find the path to peace and tranquility by connecting to a power greater than oneself, God.

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Time to Go Back Inside.

albert — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 18:21:43 +0000

Now that we have entered a new decade I thought I would weigh in with a stargazer’s perspective, go Out on a Limb with Shirley MacLaine, and give a sense and sensibility title to the 10-year run that lies ahead of us. After scanning the star maps for 2010- 2020, I came up with “Go back inside.”

When I was a boy growing up in Alabama I can still hear my mother’s voice (as if it were five minutes ago) hollering out the back door, “Little Albert, it’s time to come inside.” And, of course, I would holler back, “I’m coming, Momma.” It was listening ‘back in time’ that reminded me that if I want to keep the glitter out of my eyes and my peepers on the prize of authenticity, getting to where I need to go, I will find my compass back inside of me. I am wont to say that the answers are where the questions are: within.

The first decade of the 21st century was like a day at the State Fair of my childhood, which I went to every September as a kid with my five brothers and sisters. The barkers were on the sawdust fairway hawking sideshows and shilling for games of chance that enticed us youngsters with an oversized stuffed animal that we thought was the be-all of the games of pitch-and-toss. Many a year I went home empty-handed–no teddy bear for me to give to my little sister–but my pockets were bare having left my allotted five-spot at one of the gaming booths. Because we were all too busy watching Dow Jones and the value of our house skyrocket in the last decade, we bounced the bubble as if it were Teflon and would never deflate. But a lot of us ended up empty-handed; some even lost their homes and most of their life-savings.

Instead of falling under the spell of keeping up with whatever trends are being touted in slick magazine pages; from falling under the swoon of lifestyles of the rich and famous; buying into a deal that promises ‘You can’t lose–get it while it’s hot.’ Simply say, “No.” Even believing what the guru-of-the-month is dishing out may leave you feeling down and out. Make a U-turn and look inside yourself for what you want to do with this challenging decade to feel safe and secure and getting what you deserve. I’ll be the first to tell you that the real you knows better than I do what is best for you. Go back inside.

I am Albert Clayton Gaulden and I approve of this message.

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God is not Dead

albert — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:20:07 +0000

Oftentimes I feel as if God has forsaken me until I remember that, since He is within me, I must have abandoned myself. My despair is not of the Santa Claus variety of consciousness: I want what I want when I want it and if I don’t get it I will throw stones at and/or ignore the Almighty. More to the point is a prevailing notion of ‘what’s the use?’ The world will go up in smoke or it won’t. Ah, this smacks of attachment and I call my hand on it.

I met a man and his wife at breakfast the other morning and among other things he gave me a couple of books: A New Christianity for a New World by the former Bishop of the Episcopal Church of the Newark, New Jersey diocese, John Shelby Spong and The Heart of Christianity by biblical scholar Marcus J. Borg. Both books enrich the idea of Christ teachings as a way of life, and for me, he joins Buddha and Ramakrishna as one of the world’s great teachers. I recommend these books for those of you who need to feel as if two men were writing how you believe but feel alienated and marginalized in today’s religious culture.

What Vedanta teaches me is that all paths that lead to God are right paths. And the Vedas remind me that God is within me not somewhere in outer space. Buddha tweaks me every day to wake up and self-actualize when I become too attached to the material transitory world of illusion.

Where are you this Holiday Season? Join me in thanking God for what I have and more grateful for what I don’t. My presence this year is offering presents to those who need a share of the blessings God afforded me. Won’t you join me in doing the same?

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THE GREATEST GIFT

albert — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:21:50 +0000

I saw the figures for Super Friday shopping—the day after Thanksgiving—and consumers are spending 18% over that same 30-day ‘shop ‘til you drop’ period last year. All retailers are pulling out all stops: discounting everything in the store or online 20%-40% from the first day of bonanza retail buying. It makes you wonder how we ever got so attached to outspending and out buying our neighbors. Talk about keeping up with the Joneses!

But I have a better idea about where to get that rush from the Holiday Season. The greatest gift you can ever give someone is yourself. It can be something you baked or made—or it can be literally giving yourself to volunteer at a soup kitchen, visiting shut-ins at a local nursing home or a long-term care facility or finding a needy family to surprise with a few sacks of groceries and a special toy for the youngsters under fourteen. If you ever want to experience the real joy of what the Holidays are all about give of yourself. And don’t forget my favorite slogan for Christmas: What can I do for you?

Happy Holidays and a Prosperous 2010

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PEACE REQUIRES SACRIFICE

albert — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:36:35 +0000

President Barack Obama is in Norway to receive his Nobel Peace Prize and to attend the Global Warming Conference in Copenhagen. This is a momentous time in history, whether it is signing on to end the ecological damage of global warming or passing a Health Care package that promises all Americans have health coverage or most of all, to have peace on earth in these troubled times.

President Obama spoke of peace requiring sacrifice and I weigh in to say that all of the programs I have mentioned require sacrifice. Many times I feel that we as a nation are not willing to give up our comforts in order to see that all of us can have decent medical coverage when we are sick. We can ignore the ravages of toxic emissions at our own peril—the planet will not be able to survive if we don’t take measures to clean it up. And peace will come with sacrifice and none dearer than having to accept the cultures and religions of the world. We must stop the rhetoric that we are justified in invading someone else’s country. I remember only too well how McCarthyism sprang up because one US Senator and his cronies tried to convince our country and the world that communism was a cancerous menace that threatened to take over our country, if not the world.

Are you a person of compassion? Do you feel that we are all interrelated and interconnected? Open yourself to all possibilities for all of us.

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AN OUT-OF-BOUNDS EGO CAN SMASH SUCCESS TO SMITHEREENS

albert — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:18:53 +0000

There are more caveats regarding working one’s way up in the world, particularly with public-eye-kind-of-success, than in a recession-biased credit application. There is something about having a bigger-than-life status that puts the climber under the most unwanted microscope that tabloid scandal sheets make a living from. Just ask Tiger Wood.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of justice under television’s Judge Judy and I have to say that she is one smart cookie. She knows how to sift nuggets of truth from all the cockamamie made-up fairy tales that both the plaintiff and defendant can dish out in ten minutes. I wish that Judge Judy had Tiger Woods in her courtroom. IF he had asked her how to make his life right—what price to pay and how to pay it—he might be on the links playing golf tournaments instead of being plastered all over The Inquirer, The Star and other prying and scurrilous rags disguised as journalism.

Perhaps an alternative to Judge Judy, turning to the wisdom of the late and great psychotherapist Dr. Carl Jung, Tiger might find out that by integrating his shadow—the woman who can keep him monogamous and happy at home—would be the therapy he needs to stop acting out. To be sure, this is how a lot of successful men live their lives—anonymous sex—until something like the car crash Tiger had sets off a domino-affect maelstrom of unwanted women claiming to have had sex with him.

The dark and dangerous and lying and cheating and stealing Ego is so powerful and so destructive that it can take someone’s reputation and smash it into smithereens before the big-piece-of-stuff can say Gesundheit. The Ego thrives on distortion and the favorite excuse, “…because I can!” If one ever is able to become whole within him or her, the shadow can not cause mischief by throwing a monkey wrench into the marriage. Rather the shadow—recognized and integrated—can make someone happy to be where he is in his relationship or glad to be single.

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Making the Most out of Less

albert — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:41:06 +0000

Sitting with a man or a woman day after day, year after year, looking deep within his soul to see if we can possibly find the core of his true self has been both exhausting and exhilarating. The futility of the signs of our times—the harsh economy, the two wars, terrorism, job loss and other back breakers—many have been sensing in the past couple of years has made the playing field seem too uneven for some to cope with. The approach I use with clients is to try to get them to trade in what they think is reality for their own brand of recreating their perception of the world and their part in it. It is fun when it works and frustrating when so many of us hold on to worn-out concepts that no longer are worth the effort we give them.

I was working with a woman today who, when I talked about the imaginative and optimistic child within, beamed from ear to ear and we spent the hour talking about incredible possibilities for her life. Although she was married with children she found room to create something for herself and have time to be a wife and mother. Her attitude was the proverbial ‘glass half full’ and that is how she lives her life.

How do you see yourself in these turbulent times? Do you see yourself as a victim of circumstances or play the hand life dealt you as a challenge you accept with grace? I live in Sedona famous for its vortices—supposed whirling pockets of incredible transformative energy. But it is my knowing that we are all whirling energy which we can use for good or continue to play the blame game.

Which are you playing today?

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